sHoRt jOkEs

[Arslan]

share jokes here 

[mutesinger]

...Kaya topic shoro keya hay  Yeh gupshup corner may laanay ke kaya zaroorat thi waisay 

[Arslan]

Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness,
you gave me light. You gave me strength to make life bright. Thank
you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT.



Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!



system of love
jan..rose
feb....perpose
mar..gift
apr...lift
may....chating
jun......dating
jul.....miss you
aug....kiss you
sep.....anger
oct.....danger
nov....Left
DEC....NEXT



EXAMS are like GIRLFRIENDS:
1. Too many questions.
2. Difficult to understand.
3. Too much explaination is needed.
4. Result is always ATKT........



A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."



Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.


Yaad hai ham pehle kahan milte the...... train ruki, khidki khuli, nazro se nazre mili aur aapne kahan,..... ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE BABA!!!!!!




Read each word reversely: A SUOMAF ROTCOD DLOT EM TAHT YLNO LATNEM STNEITAP EVAH EHT TNELAT OT DAER SMS NEVENEHW STI NETTIRW YLESREVER



Aisa DOSTANA hamara, Mai KASHTI tu kinara, Mai DHANUSH tu teer, Mai MATAR tu paneer, Mai VARSHA tu badal, Mai RAJMA tu chawal, Mai HOT tu cool, Mai APRIL tu....?



Hi,

How are u?
Doing nothing?
Then Make a Place,
4 Me in ur Heart!!
I May come there any time!
Ur's Faithfully,
"HeArT aTtAcK"



4 roses, just for you!
1st for Friendship.
2nd for Wealth.
3rd for Happiness.
and the last one..
Kaan ke upar laga lena, mast lagega.




Funniest News paper Classifieds (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man….if only I knew A B C….)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)

3. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out)

4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet)

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

6. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

7. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!)



Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding?
To tell each other affectionately. .. Sweetheart U R Dead!



A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND


Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.


Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage) , what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend ), what is permanent is boring(wife)



bandar ka bacha apni ma se bola
ma-ma main itna badsorat kyun hoon
ma boli tu to phir bhi thik hai
usko dhek jo meesage phad raha hai.



Aapke haath me mobile hai..
Chehere pe sundar c smile hai...
SMS ki achchi khasi File hai...
Phir bhi SMS nahi karte...
yaar, yeh kaun sa stupid style hai??

[mutesinger]

...

[cmyaseen]

   

[mutesinger]

...Hameesha mufat ke chaye peena acha 

[Arslan]

Bistar bhi janta hai, mere dill ki kayi baat
Takiya kare salwaton se, chupke se baat;
Her raat ko tadape koi, karwat badalata jism
Khat ki jo suniye to bole, lagta hai aaghat.

Yeh baat kaya hai koi, chahe to na samjh paye
Dopahari mein kayon maange, chadani raat;
Man ke bhanwar mein ulghe, man ke kai sawal
Man hi na man se kar paye, man ki koi baat.

Kisi badan ka aakar letna bagal mein, uff
Khamoshi mein hone lagi, deh-badan baat;
Kaya dhoondh rahe hain, rahe kaya tatol
Mera haath uska haath, kaisa rishta aur naat.

Takiya huwa sugandhit, salwat ka shuru naach
Khat ke hichkolon mein, aaweg ki jamaat;
Suraj ki agan mein, chandani ki chchuwan bhi
Kash sach sa ho sake to, kijiye nujhase baat.

[mutesinger]

...Wah, wah, wah bohat khoob 

[Arslan]

 

[mutesinger]

...Poetery section may share kerta yaha'n kyon ke hay hai'n 

[Arslan]

Some Scientific Instruments
1) Aerometer : Instrument for measuring weight and density of air and gases.
2) Altimeter : Instrument used in aircraft to measure altitude.
3) Ammeter : Instrument used to measure electrical current flowing in a circuit.
4) Anemometer : Instrument to measure the force and velocity of wind.
5) Audiometer : Instrument to measure intensity of sound.
6) Barometer : Instrument used to measure the atmospheric pressure.
7) Calorimeter : Instrument used for measuring quantities of heat.
Cardiogram : A medical instrument for tracing heart movements.
9) Crescograph : Instrument for use in recording growth of plants.
10) Dynamo : Instrument for transforming mechanical energy into electrical energy.
11) Fathometer : Instrument used for measuring depth of the ocean.
12) Geiger Counter : Instrument for recording the amount of radiation emitted by a source of radio-activity.
13) Hydrometer : Instrument used for measuring the specific gravity of liquids
14) Hydrophone : Instrument used for recording sound under water
15) Hygrometer : Instrument for measuring the amount of water vapours (humidity) in the atmosphere.
16) Kymograph : Instrument used to record graphically various physiological movements i.e., blood pressure,heart , study of lungs etc. in living beings.
17) Lactometer : Aparatus used for measuring the purity of milk.
18) Manometer : Apparatus used for determining the pressure of a gas.
19) Odometer : Instrument by which the distance covered by wheeled vehicles is recorded.
20) Oscillograph : Instrument for recording electrical or mechanical vibrations.
21) Photometer : Apparatus used to compare the illuminating power of two sources of light.
22) Pyrometer : Instrument for recording high temperatures froma great distance.
23) Radiometer : Instrument for measuring the emission of radiant energy.
24) Rain gauge : Apparatus for recording of rainfall at a particular piece.
25) Refractometer : Instrument to measure refractive indices.
26) Saccharimeter : Instrument for determining the amount of sugar in a solution.
27) Sextant : An optical instrument used for finding out the altitude of celestial bodies and their angular distances.
28) Sphygmomanometer : Instrument used for measuring arterial bolld- pressure.
29) Spherometer : Instrument for measuring curvature of surfaces.
30) Seismograph : Instrument used for recording earthquake shocks.
31) Tachometer : Instrument for determining speeds of aeroplanes and motor boats.
32) Thermostat : Instrument used to regulate the temperature to a particular degree.
33) Transformer : An electrical apparatus used to convert high voltage to low and vice versa

[Arslan]

Dictionary Of Flower Meanings
Hi friends Check and send flower to you Boy/Girl Friend or ....!
Flowers tend to come in all shapes and forms, but they also have a
language of their own. For every sentiment, there is a flower that can
uniquely express your feelings. Search the list below for the flowers
that best describe the way you feel. Remember my saying, "You can say
a lot with one rose...you can say even more with tu-lips."


A
ACACIA, Blossom - Concealed Love, Beauty in Retirement

ACORN - Nordic Symbol of Life and Immortality

AMBROSIA - Your Love is Reciprocated

AMARYLLIS - Pride, Pastoral Poetry

ANEMONE - Forsaken, Sincerity

ARBUTUS - Thee Only Do I Love

ASTER - Symbol of Love, Daintiness

AZALEA - Take Care of Yourself For Me, Temperance, Fragile, Passion,
Chinese Symbols of Womanhood


B

BACHELOR BUTTON - Single Blessedness

BEGONIA - Beware

BELLS OF IRELAND - Good Luck

BITTERSWEET - Truth

BLUEBELL - Humility

BOUQUET OF WITHERED FLOWERS - Rejected Love


C

CACTUS - Endurance

CAMELLIA - Admiration, Perfection, Good Luck Gift to a Man

CAMELLIA (PINK) - Longing For You

CAMELLIA (RED) - You're A Flame In My Heart

CAMELLIA (WHITE) - You're Adorable

CANDYTUFT - Indifference

CARNATION (GENERAL) - Fascination, Womanize Love

CARNATION (PINK) - I'll Never Forget You

CARNATION (RED) - My Heart Aches For You, Admiration

CARNATION (PURPLE) - Capriciousness

CARNATION (SOLID COLOR) - Yes

CARNATION (STRIPPED) - No!, Refusal, Sorry I Can't Be With You

CARNATION (WHITE) - Sweet and Lovely, Innocence, Pure Love, Womanize
Good Luck Gift

CARNATION (YELLOW) - You Have Disappointed Me, Rejection

CATTAIL - Peace, Prosperity

CHRYSANTHEMUM (GENERAL) - You're A Wonderful Friend, Cheerfulness and
Rest

CHRYSANTHEMUM (RED) - I Love

CHRYSANTHEMUM (WHITE) - Truth

CHRYSANTHEMUM (YELLOW) - Slighted Love

COREOPSIS - Always Cheerful

CROCUS - Cheerfulness, Gladness

CYCLAMEN - Resignation and Good Bye


D

DAFFODIL - Regard, Unrequited Love, You're The Only One, The Sun Is
Always Shining When I'm With You, Respect

DAISY - Innocence, Loyal Love, I'll Never tell, Purity

DANDELION - Faithfulness, Happiness

DEAD LEAVES - Sadness


E


F

FERN - Magic, Fascination, Confidence and Shelter, Grace

FERN MAIDENHAIR - Secret Bond Of Love

FIR - TIME

FLAX - Domestic Symbol

FORGET ME NOT - True Love, Memories

FORSYTHIA - Anticipation

FREESIA - Trust


G

GARDENIA - You're Lovely, Secret Love

GARLIC - Courage, Strength

GERANIUM - Stupidity, Folly

GLADIOLA - Give Me A Break, I'm Really Sincere, Flower Of The
Gladiators

GLOXINIA - Love At First Sight

GRASS - Submission


H

HEATHER (LAVENDER) - Admiration, Solitude

HEATHER (WHITE) - Protection, Wishes Will Come True

HOLLY - Defense, Domestic Happiness

HYACINTH (GENERAL) - Games and Sports, Richness, Dedicated to Apollo

HYACINTH (BLUE) - Consistency

HYACINTH (PURPLE) - I Am Sorry Please Forgive Me, Sorrow

HYACINTH (RED or PINK) - Play

HYACINTH (WHITE) - Loveliness, I'll Pray For You

HYACINTH (YELLOW) - Jealousy

HYDRANGEA - Thank You For Understanding, Frigidity, Heartlessness

HUCKLEBERRY - Faith


I

IRIS - Emblem Of France, Your Friendship Means So Much To Me, Faith,
Hope, Wisdom and Valor, My Compliments, Promise

IVY - Wedded Love, Fidelity, Friendship, Affection

IVY SPRIG OF WHITE TENDRILS - Anxious To Please, Affection


J

JONQUIL - Love Me, Affection Returned, Desire, Sympathy, Desire For
Affection Returned


K


L

LARKSPUR (PINK) - Fickleness

LILAC - Beauty

LILY (ORANGE) - Hatred

LILY (WHITE) - Virginity, Purity, Majesty, It's Heavenly To Be With
You

LILY (YELLOW) -I'm Walking On Air, False and Gay, Gratitude

LILY (CALLA) -Beauty

LILY (DAY) - Chinese Emblem For Mother

LILY (EUCHARIS) - Maiden Charms

LILY (TIGER) - Wealth, Pride, Prosperity

LILY OF THE VALLEY - Sweetness, Tears Of The Virgin Mary, Return To
Happiness, Humility, You've Made my Life Complete


M

MAGNOLIA - Nobility

MARIGOLD - Cruelty, Grief, Jealousy

MISTLETOE - Kiss Me, Affection, To Surmount Difficulties, Sacred Plant
Of India, Magic Plant Of The Druids

MONKHOOD - Beware, A Deadly Foe Is Near

MOSS - Maternal Love, Charity

MUM - Hope

MYRTLE - Love, Hebrew Emblem Of Marriage


N

NARCISSUS - Formality, Stay As Sweet As You Are

NASTURTIUM - Conquest, Victory In Battle

NUTS - Stupidity


O

OLEANDER - Caution

ORANGE BLOSSOM - Innocence, Eternal Love, Marriage and Fruitfulness

ORANGE, MOCK - Deceit

ORCHID - Love, Beauty, Refinement, Beautiful Lady, Chinese Symbol for
Many Children, Thoughtfulness

ORCHID (CATTLEYA) - Mature Charm


P

PALM LEAVES - Victory and Success

PANSY - Merriment

PEONY - Shame, Gay Life, Happy Marriage, Compassion

PETUNIA - Resentment, Anger, Your Presence Soothes Me

PINE - Hope, Pity

POPPY (GENERAL) - Eternal Sleep, Oblivion, Imagination

POPPY (RED) - Pleasure

POPPY (WHITE) -Consolation

POPPY (YELLOW) - Wealth, Success

PRIMROSE - I Can't Live Without You

PRIMROSE (EVENING) - Inconsistency


Q


R

ROSE (BRIDAL) - Happy Love

ROSE (CHRISTMAS) - Tranquilize My Anxiety, Anxiety

ROSE (DEMASK) - Persian Ambassador Of Love

ROSE (DARK CRIMSON) - Mourning

ROSE (HIBISCUS) - Delicate, Beauty

ROSE (LEAF) - You May Hope

ROSE (PINK) - Perfect Happiness, Please Believe Me

ROSE (RED) - LOVE, I Love You, Passion

ROSE (TEA) - I'll Remember, Always

ROSE (THORNLESS) - Love At First Sight

ROSE (WHITE) - Innocence and Purity, I Am Worthy Of You, You're
Heavenly, Secrecy and Silence

ROSE (WHITE AND RED TOGETHER) - Unity, Flower Emblem Of England

ROSE (WHITE - DRIED) - Death Is Preferable To Loss Of Virtue

ROSE (WHITE - WITHERED) - Transient Impression, Fleeting Beauty, You
Made No Impression

ROSE (YELLOW) - Decrease Of Love, Jealously, Try To Care

ROSE (MUSK CLUSTER) - Charming

ROSE (SINGLE FULL BLOOM) - I Love You, I Still Love You

ROSE (GARLAND OR CROWN OF) - Beware Of Virtue, Reward Of Merit, Symbol
Of Superior Merit

ROSEBUD - Beauty Of Youth, A Heart Innocent Of Love

ROSEBUD (RED) - Pure And Lovely

ROSEBUD (WHITE) - Girlhood

ROSEBUD (MOSS) - Confessions Of Love


S

SMILAX - Loveliness

SNAPDRAGON - Deception, Gracious Lady, Strength

SOLIDAGO - Success

STEPHANOTIS - Happiness In Marriage, Desire To Travel

STOCK - Bonds Of Affection, Promptness, You'll Always Be Beautiful To
Me

SUNFLOWER - Pride

SWEETPEA - Good-bye, Departure, Blissful Pleasure, Thank You For A
Lovely Time


T

TULIP (GENERAL) - Perfect Lover, Fame, Flower Emblem Of Holland, Luck

TULIP (RED) - Believe Me, Declaration Of Love

TULIP (VARIEGATED) - Beautiful Eyes

TULIP (YELLOW) -There's Sunshine In Your Smile


U


V

VIOLET - Modesty, Virtue

VIOLET (BLUE) - Watchfulness, Faithfulness, I'll Always Be True

VIOLET (WHITE) - Let's Take A Chance On Happiness

VISCARIA - Will You Dance With Me?


W
WINTERGREENS - Harmony

WISTERIA - Welcome


X


Y


Z

ZINNIA (MAGENTA) - Lasting Affection

ZINNIA (MIXED) - Thinking (or in Memory) Of An Absent Friend

ZINNIA (SCARLET) - Constancy

ZINNIA (WHITE) - Goodness

ZINNIA (YELLOW) - Daily Remembrance

[Arslan]

TELEGRAM #1


A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:


"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


************ ***


TELEGRAM #2


A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."


The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."



************ ***


TELEGRAM #3


A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.


At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.


Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:


"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."



************ ***


TELEGRAM #4


A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.


The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.


Well he thinks for a while and says:


Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".


The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"


The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.


The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:


"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".



************ ***


TELEGRAM #5


A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi .


When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.


He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.


It was written:

'Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

[Arslan]

Hey ! I am in hospital now. Phir mat kehna ki bataya nahi. After 5 min, i will be transferred in ICU, doctor told i will die if i don't stop



"MISSING U".

.-..-. .-..-.
"-.-" "-.-"
A Friend means
Some1 i MISS
Some1 i CARE
Some1 i NEED
Some1 i LOVE
Some1 TRUE
Some1 SPECIAL
Some1 LIKE..
.... U !

@@hi... Phone nahi... missed call nahi... mujhe chinta ho rahi hai... kya hua? ZOO wale phir se pakad ke le gye.

Ja sms ja,
mere sweet dost ke pass ja,
dhire se jana shor na machana,
busy ho to kuch mat kehna,
free hoga to miss U kehna!

Us pyari si surat ka phir 1 bar didar de,tadap rahe hai hum yahan ab aur na intezar de. Apni aawaz nahi sunani to na suna aye zalim, ek MISSED CALL hi mar de

Never look 4 beauty it vl fade away 1day,never look 4 good skin it vl grow old 1day,but always look 4loyal heart which vl miss u everyday

Talk 2me wn i feel bore,hug me wn i cry,love me wn all hate me, care me wn i m sick,dont cry wn i die,bt miss me til m alive.

5 Lovable
words- "I
am alone
without u",
4 pleasant
words- "I
care 4 u",
3 sweet
words- "i
like u",
2 special
words
"Miss U",
1 important
word- "U"

Difficult to tell that what Loving is like. Impossible to tell what Missing is like. May you never Miss whom you Love and May whom you Love Miss you always.!.

Brain:to think of u
Eyes:to look at U
Hand:to touch U..
Leg:to walk with u.
Mouth:to say I MISS U..
Foot:to kick u if u dont MISS ME ..!!!

Aye khuda apne chand par itna gurur na kar.Ek chand sa dost hum bhi rakhte hai!Jab tarif hoti hai tere chand ki Log missal mere chand ki dete hai.

Brain:to think of u Eyes:to look at U Hand:to touch U.. Leg:to walk with u. Mouth:to say I MISS U.. Foot:to kick u if u dont MISS ME ..!!!

Why i miss u ! There are three reasons why i miss u. 1. I am not with u. 2. U are not with me. 3. We are not together. Miss U Lot......!

[mutesinger]

...